Attack of the Flying Stingrays

I'm prolly gonna get whacked by certain people for making them hungry.

Some people call my dad's hawker stall at Redhill a disco, after my dad installed stero speakers and blasts his collection of mp3s whenever he lingers around. I even cought a couple or more people dancing shamelessly. Still, his music serves as entertainment to both my parents there, and me, whenever I head down to help out on weekends and tuesday evenings.

How long I've been there I've lost count. Looking child-like and being a familar face at the food center brings about plenty gift treats and discounts on dinners from other people. I've received bananas (bleughhhh!), chocolates, cheese, pork chops, corn, drinks, desserts and many other random food/items. There isnt much to observe while working, other than witnessing small snippets of people's eating life (this guy had to wash pieces of sotong in water so it's less spicy for his girlfriend). There isnt much to experience either, maybe first hand encounters with some baboonic assholes with foul behaviours and attitudes worse than my damaged hair. But I've managed to come up with a list of top 10 events/scenarios that happened right in front of the stall. In no particular order, here goes.


1. Cold Fish
This auntie peers into the transparent refrigerated display box of raw stingrays and asks "Ooi, your fish got put inside fridge one anot?". Either she has hopeless eyesight, or her brain is the size of an underaged peanut to be unable to realise that this fridge she is referring to is about 50 centimeters right under her nose.


2. $50 Ripoff
Mum warned me about desperate people using this lousy dirty trick to scam sellers into forcing them to give them a free meal plus tips. Guy A will hand over a $10 note and after you keep his note and present him his change, he will exclaim in a most unconvincing tone "Hey, I gave you a $50 note just now!" When he could no longer handle the penetrating stares of the customers that had queued up right beside him ever since he ordered his food, he gave up his already lost battle. Stupid git.


3. Take, take take take take
Oh yeah, it looks free. Certain irritating bastards just love to help themselves to the accompanying 'freebies' after they purchased their food. They'll grab extra disposable chopsticks although the pairs of chopsticks they have doubles the number of people they have. They'll snatch so many limes for their chicken wings, prolly to make themselves extra sour-grapes. They'll shamelessly take so much tissues which is prolly enough to wipe their dirty ass clean for days. They'll take the chilli bottle and overload their saucers with chilli so much so that the chilli spills over and we have to clean up the mess. My neighbouring store which sells Indian food prolly had the worst hit. This girl only ordered 2 pieces of roti prata, but the quantity of curry she requested can cook at least 2 bowls of laksa.

(zOmg, I'm only at no.3 and this is already so bloody leeeeeeeeeengthy.)


4. Look whos calling AUNTIE
Everyone at the food center thought I was a sec sch student when they first looked at me. Maybe this mother was jealous, I have no idea. After I served their order at their table, she requested for another plate so that she could place her 6 year old looking daughter's food separately. After I said "No problem", she turned to her daughter and said "Darling, go follow this auntie to get a plate for mummy." (What the bloody fuck?!)


5. Oversized Stingray
Customer walks up to my mum and looks at the display of raw stingray.

Customer: How much are the stingrays?
Mum: *points to each* We have small, medium, large, for $7, $8 and $10.
Customer: Got $12?
Me: o_O


6. The Mad Rush
As I brought a tray of food to a table, the 2 friends immediately whipped out their wallets and asked "How much in total?" Then they started arguing, pushing each other's wallets away so he himself could pay the bill instead. Both insisted on paying and I began to receive cash notes from both sides. When I stood there, loss for words, they thought that the amount they paid was not enough and thus, continued to stuff my hands with notes saying "Dont accept his payment! Take mine!!" Lols.


7. Sorry, Minimum 2
This auntie marched up to the store, ignoring the fact that we were taking down someone else's order, cuts the queue, and bellowed "One chicken wing, take away."

Mum: Sorry, minimum 2 pieces.
(Side track: Some stalls set their minimum amount at 5 pieces!)
Auntie: But I very full, just gimme 1, I want to try try only.
Dad: Sorry, we have a standard rule of a minimum purchase of 2 chicken wings.
Auntie: Aiya, now I trying out your chicken wing only, if nice then next time I come back and buy lots more, maybe 3, or 5, 6 pieces!
Dad: *smiles and shakes head* Sorry.
Auntie:*flares and starts bitching* *bitches...* *bitches...* *bitches...* *bitches...* I'm not coming back again!!

Good riddance.


8. Late
Guy B ordered a plate of sotong for Guy A and handed over a $5 bill. He told my mum that Guy A will come and collect the food at 7pm++. Dad cooked a plate of sotong around that time and left it aside for him. It was 8pm... 9pm... 10pm... 11pm, when my parents were about to close the store, Guy A happily came like he owned the element of time. And the thing is, he said that his dish was cold and demanded an explanation for it! You hopeless moron, you didnt come at 7++ k, you came at 7+++++++++++++++++++++++!!!


9. Guys, think twice before you try anything funny
An old ah pek sat at a table, ordered beer and got drunk. For hours, all he did was to root his ass on the seat, drink beer, and make cheeky faces at young teenage girls, whom he may consider too hot for his age. (That fucking sucker even tried to shoot a rubber band at me. Hes bloody lucky I didnt notice him, but too bad for him, someone else settled my revenge.) His strings of ridiculous faces finally pissed off a girl's parents, and when their first warning didnt work, the father grabbed him and delivered the first few blows. Each punch produced cries of "Ow!", "Argh!", but the ah pek got himself too drunk and weak to retaliate. Deciding that the current spot would attract too much attention, he then dragged the ah pek to a more secluded lane. That was obviously pointless, as it had already attracted a large crowd of on-lookers. As the father continued his bashing, while the mother used her slipper to slap the ah pek's face, the girl sat nearby, slowly sipped her drink, and gloated it all.

Well, so did I.


10. For the billionth time, NO!!!
My dad's store sells 1) Chicken Wings, 2) Stingrays, 3) Sotongs, 4) Otah. Thats it, 4 simple items. We have a fiery red-orange signboard, displaying the yummy (yes, YUMMY. xD) selections and dishes we have, and their prices printed clearly beside their items. Even when I stand as far as I can opposite the stall, I still can distinguish the food items on the signboard clearly from one another. The chicken wings look like chicken wings, the stingrays look like cooked fish, the sotongs look perfectly all right to me, and theres a separate sign board that spells "Hougang Otah". But why, why, do we keep having people every now and then, trotting up to us, and when my mum asks them what they would like to have, they give us a look of bewildered wonder, and say... "Satay".


*Stares in horror at the screen* Did I really blabber this lot? zOmg holy cow.